𝖁𝖊𝖓𝖚𝖘𝖎𝖆𝖓𝕵𝖔𝖓𝖊𝖑

If you know anything about me, I’m far from the trad wife but I am a lover girl through and through. When I began to feel the desire to get married, it was during a time when a former friend was disposing of her marriage because she craved newness. It was a challenging time for her and I as we both realized that we viewed life extremely differently. To me, marriage was something I knew I’d get to when I felt the comfort in someone’s presence to be honest about aspects of self that weren’t pretty. When it came to men baby, I’ve had my share. I’m not saying I was no whore, but I was close lmfaooo.

The versions of me that existed prior to meeting my husband didn’t care about judgement. I prepared for an experience like partnership that exposes parts of self that is easy to hide and avoid when you aren’t ready to fully show up as a human being. Thankfully, I share my life with someone that also does the same for me. But I think as a woman, I have many more layers to unravel when getting to know somebody. Seeing how easily disposable marriage was to some was uncomfortable to witness, especially when I knew the reason for her decision, but it wasn’t up to me to persuade her of wanting to “settle.” I’ve lost a lot of people in my life from friends to family due to egos and arrogance so I personally know how important it is to keep valuable people around for moments in life that truly matter.

I spend most of my days without having the need to keep up with anyone but my immediate circle, but they’re all amazing individuals that value relationships the way I do. Realizing that, it took me deciding to no longer surround myself with friends and family that don’t value relationships as much as me. That really helped me to build a great relationship with the people around me and most importantly with myself.

To me, my marriage is the second chapter of my self-love story. I began my self-love story when I separated myself from my emotionally unstable and unsupportive family and immersed myself in different environments. I discovered that families that may fight but stick together and work things out in a healthy way do exist. That gave me hope for marriage, because I’ve NEVER seen a healthy marriage in real life before. I knew that I would have to define this experience on my own, so that meant I have to break a few rules and create some new ones.

To some, getting married is their last chapter before having children, but the moment I made a vow to myself to create new experiences that I’ve always wanted for myself, I began creating my own family. To me, marriage is an opportunity to create a new lineage if you don’t follow how people have done things before. I’ve seen nothing but disrespect and excessive cheating in marriages for as long as I can remember, but I’m really happy I never let that influence my perception of this beautiful exchange.

There’s a trend on TikTok with 2025–2026 brides talking about what they’re NOT doing at their wedding, and many of them mentioned not wanting to throw the bouquet. I think differently. Although I respect their decision, I think as the third Black woman in my family to get married, it’s my duty to share the confidence, wisdom, and vulnerability that I had to experience to reach this love with the women supporting me at my wedding. A lot of my friends share their experiences in dating, and it gets more and more challenging by the day to put yourself out there or to find someone genuine who is willing to decenter themselves to truly get to know you and have the confidence to help you grow past where you currently are mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Throwing the bouquet has less to do with being picked and more to do with showing women it’s okay to want love. Needing love comes from the lack of love from your family, which I’ve experienced and am actively working through day by day. The more I tell myself it’s not my fault that the people who brought me into this world cannot love me in the way I want to be loved, the more I share my desire for love within my friendships and my desire for support in my business, more and more candidly. There’s no shame in being honest, and I think people fail at building relationships because they carry shame on their backs day in and day out. I’m heavily flawed, just like everyone on this earth, but I think as humans we punish ourselves for it as if there isn’t someone who wouldn’t love you through it. We are all active participants in our own distraction due to personal insecurities, but a lot of things can be fixed if we invested time and energy into becoming better versions of ourselves each day.

One thing I’ve learned in my relationship is that every day is a new day if you choose. But it’s not a new day if you’ve done something super vile the day before — it’s a new day to apologize, and accountability is not easy. But it makes you a better partner to live, love, and grow with. The amount of humility it takes to be accountable for your actions sets you apart from most people, but the reality is, sometimes you also have to accept that not everything can be fixed with “I’m sorry.” Some relationships fall apart because you didn’t value it the first time. It’s challenging because you have to accept that what you bring to the table no longer holds value after you took the trust you had with someone for granted.

I’m excited for marriage because my relationship has always been a safe space, a fun space, and an honest space to simply be and I wish that on all women who are deserving of the love that they seek. So to my amazing friends and the beautiful women attending my wedding, get ready to experience the silly little game they play at all the weddings in movies where the bride tosses the bouquet because why not?