𝖁𝖊𝖓𝖚𝖘𝖎𝖆𝖓𝕵𝖔𝖓𝖊𝖑

On a small island with 365 beaches, beautiful brown people, and families bound by generational curses, my story began.

My parents often gloss over the childhood experiences that shaped them, leaving me to piece together their truths as I’ve grown older. What they don’t realize is that in avoiding the past, they contribute even more to my struggle—forcing me to navigate the delicate balance of dignity, truth, and awareness while they choose ego over accountability.

In Caribbean culture, under the weight of religious expectations and societal pressures, women have long been expected to suppress their true desires to create the illusion of the “perfect picture.” But to me, perfection looks nothing like silent suffering. Perfection is seeing women free—sitting in the shallow part of the beach, soaking up the sun, enjoying their solitude, smiling without being expected to serve anyone.

Now, as my healing journey reaches its peak, I find myself moving in circles, encountering the very patterns I once tried to escape—viewing them from one perspective to the next. Seeing women in thankless roles, or worse, ending up dead at the hands of their partners, is truly heartbreaking.

Being raised around women who teach you to blend in and submit to men without fulfillment leads to young women embracing relationships that define love on men’s terms. That doesn’t always end well. It starts with programming women to believe they are supposed to devote their lives to being endlessly compassionate and forgiving. Women like this often end up with nothing, their sacrifices unreciprocated, their hearts hardened with resentment toward women who receive the love and fulfillment we all deserve. Everything is a domino effect. If we’re not vocal and confrontational when necessary, men will never understand that balance is a necessity, not an option.

I have always been a woman who fights for what I believe in, especially within my romantic relationships. From a young age, I’ve spoken up for those mistreated, especially women too afraid to do so themselves. I grew up absorbing the fear women carry in the presence of men—the instinct to “keep them calm” in exchange for crumbs.

Like many women, marriage is the pinnacle in life that represents completion but in my world, it’s not my end all be all. Although I’m approaching marriage as a life event not my life’s purpose, I pride myself in being a lover girl that’s constantly evolving. My grandmother was one of the first married women I observed closely. While many boast about the longevity of their marriages, few admit to staying out of fear rather than love. I’ve seen women endure codependent, dismissive, and ungrateful men for the sake of “keeping the peace.” But what is peace when you’re sleeping next to the devil and waking up to Satan?

I watched my grandfather be cold, unromantic, and emotionally absent while my grandmother cooked his meals from sunrise to sunset, all under the guise of that tired old saying: “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”

I believe in starving men and making them beg.

I don’t think my chances at love or romance is limited to what I can do to prove myself worthy. I am part of a new generation of feminists—the siren , the intentional romantic, not the hopeless.

In my culture, many women don’t have the privilege of speaking up about romance. Survival comes first. Vulnerability is a luxury we weren’t taught to afford. The older women in my family never had the strength to teach me how to embrace love—not because they didn’t want to, but because they never had the chance to learn for themselves.

We’ve all been through the struggle of dating, but at some point, you have to grow tired of getting less than what you deserve. Love should never be a humiliation ritual, yet women are expected to submit to men who deserve to be spat on.

When my grandmother became a wife, submission was a means of survival. Today, women have choices. Submission now means transformation—becoming sharper, wiser, and more intentional with time and energy. You can be fun, flirty, and worthy without taking low-hanging fruit into your kingdom for the sake of making sure you roll over to someone tomorrow.

I believe women set the tone in relationships, so don’t be afraid to say TF?!

No one should have authority over your choices or identity. Your time is yours. Your body is yours. Your truth is yours. You are not old; you are grown. Speak life into your mind, body, and soul.

Embrace your softness. Embrace your sexiness. Don’t forget who you are, having a man does not mean you no longer have desires, nor can be desired. Move on your own time, sleep deeply, take long showers. Take up so much space that you earn the label of “selfish”—respectfully. Nobody is saying you have to be a crybaby or an asshole, but don’t stay in a dynamic until it’s too late, waiting for a grand finale. Leave emotional dummies where they had you f*cked up.

My fiance and I share the same sentiment about being American born with both Caribbean parents. So he grew up with an emotionally stunted dad and a submissive adjacent mom. We struggled with defining vulnerability within our dynamic because we’ve seen vulnerability be viewed as a sign of weakness or simply ignored. He struggled with showing up as “a man” while I struggled with “not revealing my bitchy side”. Because of my trauma, Ive had to channel my anger towards my dad and hold space for him to get to know me as a person first. I wanted him to embrace being human being before aligning with gender roles which can be limiting to the human experience . I enjoy his willingness to be kind and learn from mistakes without scrutiny. I think it’s important as young Caribbean men to not become like their dads. Traditionally Caribbean dads are codependent on their women yet so militant and that doesn’t make for a great partner. They go out and they’re submissive to their friends and counterparts but they’re so nasty to the women that they call their daughters, sisters, aunties, or their mother.

Dominance doesn’t mean disrespect.

Much of this imbalance stems from colonial influence, particularly British cultural ideals that shaped Caribbean societies in the early 1900s. English rule reinforced strict gender roles, positioning women as dutiful wives focused on homemaking while men remained dominant. This “trad-wife” mentality lingers today, impacting how women approach relationships and self-worth. Too often, Caribbean women settle into conservative, domesticated roles, while men engage in affairs, chasing women who remain independent and self-fulfilled. This is not a coincidence—it’s conditioning. Women should not have to choose between cultural pride and personal empowerment. We deserve both.

Some chains are meant to be broken. Some cycles are meant to end with you. Stand firm in your power, rewrite your story, and never let the weight of history dictate your future.

Happy Women’s History Month