𝖁𝖊𝖓𝖚𝖘𝖎𝖆𝖓𝕵𝖔𝖓𝖊𝖑

Describe a phase in life that was difficult to say goodbye to.

I remember having to drop out of college because I didn’t have the confidence to seek other options at the time. I heavily relied on my mom to make decisions even if they were detrimental to my success. This was the first time that I stayed on campus, I was studying Fashion merchandising and I was doing well in my classes. It was one of the first times in my life, I felt like I was living for myself and in alignment. To have that ripped away from me abruptly was heartbreaking. I channeled that disappointment into starting my own business.

I knew how to braid, kinda sorta, so I asked my friend Tonasha to be my hair model so I can gather a few pics for my new business venture. From that, I began investing in hair products, and tools, and eventually branding and gradually I grew a super supportive clientele. I specialized in protective styles for black women such as braids, faux locs, and crochet braids. I worked right in my room/living room at the time in a 1bedroom apartment I was living in with my mom. I was only 20 but I was ambitious about growing my business no matter the circumstances.

I showed up everyday to make sure my clients were satisfied and I made everyone feel right at home since they were in my home lol. With that, I was able to connect with so many women from all walks of life, from doctors, to full time moms/ housewives, to sex workers, to nurses. I was constantly inspired by the stories they shared with me about how they became who they are. It kept me on my toes and it provided so much perspectives.

Despite me having so many beautiful experiences and providing transformations for these ladies I had a lot of challenges I was battling throughout my hairstyling career. From battling chronic back pain, not having insurance, slow seasons, dealing with an emotionally unstable mother in the home, and of course the pandemic, being a boss babe took a toll on me.

I’ve had to pivot a few times as I ventured into creating hair products and providing my clients with a more effortless experience like me providing their hair to avoid them having to make multiple stops before their appointments. But the straw that truly broke the camels back was my unstable mother. She eventually moved away to live with her husband and left me the apartment so I was able to have a room to sleep in vs sleeping in a living room where I serviced clients and had NO DOORS. However, I was still having to deal with the aftermath of not having the support I needed from her while I was going through hard times.

The pandemic slowed down my clientele tremendously and I was also going through a lot of mental health issues as many of us were as the world turned upside down. But I couldn’t afford therapy nor did I have a parent who had the capacity to even listen to me speak about my challenges because it was all about her. In no way, shape or form do I blame her for closing my business, but she contributed in a few ways.

For one, I was interested in going back to school in 2021 but particularly hair school to expand my skills and to evolve as a stylist. Hair school was actually my first choice when graduating from high school if I didn’t get into FIT (my ultimate dream school at the time), but it wasn’t supported. I shared that I was interested in enrolling in a black hair school located in Harlem that wasn’t asking for much but it did require me to get some help financially since I was now paying rent and fending for myself.

My mom gave me the hardest time to simply help me with the $1200 tuition that was required to start the classes, she began sending me $200 at a time instead of giving me the money to invest in my future since I was deprived of it prior. Lo and behold, she shows up to my house one day in $1200 Balenciaga sneakers and I never forget how stupid I felt basically begging her for this money that she pretended she didn’t have. The reality was, she didn’t want to support my dreams, she only had the capacity to support hers.

Seeing her invest in her education to the point of obtaining a masters degree, investing in a lavish wedding, and designer items all my life was something I’ve had to just stomach because she was say things like “ I’m not supposed to have nice things?”. So growing up I didn’t feel comfortable expressing how selfish that was on her part. I thought when I’d get older she would want to show up for me in the important ways such as helping me stay in college or helping me get into hair school finally but boy was I wrong lol .

Not too long after that, I began struggling with paying my rent and one month I was behind by a few hundred dollars since my clientele slowed down at the time, and she refused to help me once again. So I decided to close my business and move to Houston where I knew me and my partner could afford to live without having to worry about the east coast’s strict housing requirements.

Looking back, I wish I didn’t allow her to dictate my success so much. At the time I thought “mommy knows best” as she would say, but mommy made sure she had it all while I had nothing. There are so many things I want to provide for future child that I was deprived of because every child wants to be supported. It would have been one thing if I didn’t care about being anything in this world and had no passions but being a parent doesn’t stop once you find a man, just saying.

I think a portion of her not supporting me came from her thinking that because she had to struggle so I should too, although I’m an only child that grew up in an extremely broken home. She doesn’t know how that feels, her parents were married up until this day and she grew up with siblings. Having a mom that doesn’t empathize nor listen to your needs makes you almost crippled which turns into resentment. Letting go of my business was one of the hardest challenges I faced because it was the one thing I was proud of myself for creating. Not only was it a safe space for me to create but also a safe space for me to connect with women from all ages and all walks of life. These women taught me so much about being a woman that I probably wouldn’t have learned through her, and I’m not holding that against her because I took take alittle wisdom from everyone that I meet in this lifetime. I’m thankful that I took that risk even with the little support I had from my family. When they say strangers support you more than people you know, that is thee fucking truth!

A year after I moved to Texas I began petsitting and dog walking as a side hustle and it grew into a passion of mine ever since. I no longer have the mindset that needs support from people that don’t think I’m deserving of it. All of my fur babies love me, and their parents adore me for my consistency and my reliability. I’m so grateful that I wasn’t supported within my first business venture because now, I don’t give a fuck about people that don’t show up for me. It built a muscle that I didn’t know I had called resilience, so now I have the confidence to utilize all my skills and to not allow one bad apple to ruin my life story.