𝖁𝖊𝖓𝖚𝖘𝖎𝖆𝖓𝕵𝖔𝖓𝖊𝖑

Daily writing prompt

What is the biggest challenge you will face in the next six months?

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As a kid, we are placed in environments that can make or break us even in silence. Often adults overlook the pain and suffering the youth faces because they’re often too caught up in paying bills and trying to find love themselves. But they forget how much we need love and what we require can be very diffferent based on the child’s interest. As you get older you realize how easy it is to just run away and avoid people, places and things that once made us feel hopeless, vulnerable, and uneasy. 4 days ago, I relocated back to the east coast with my fiance to restart our lives in a way that truly aligns with our basic needs and interest. I moved to Houston,Texas in 2021 because I didn’t want to face the fact that I absolutely hated my parents. It was one of the hardest realizations because although I appreciate them for bringing me to earth, that’s their main redeeming quality.

It was on Thanksgiving in 2023 that flowed into Christmas that felt so dreadful. Birthdays we’re also kinda mid but we did our best to celebrate each other as best as possible, so I will say that is the perk of falling in love with the right person. But I never imagined my life being SO EMPTY. Despite the fact that I consciously chose to not have children in this shithole of a country, my cat and my man we’re my support system through the endless silence. Human beings aren’t supposed to be alone, and being an only child is truly the cherry on top of the loneliness I experience.

I wanted more and Texas didn’t provide me with that fulfillment I was seeking because everyone around me had their mom, dad, brother, sister, ect and never invited me into their space knowing that I didn’t have any of that. There we’re times that I was super bitter about it because if I knew I had a friend that didn’t speak to their family or simply didn’t have family I would invite them over for every family oriented holiday and celebrate their birthday like it’s a national holiday but I’m a Cancer sun, Leo moon, that’s MY super power, not theirs.

With time and therapy, I realized that I cannot hold people to the fire over things that aren’t in their nature so I let it go, and began plotting on what my next chapter would look like. In life, if you don’t give yourself the life you deserve people will define what that will look like for you. It’s not in my nature to allow anyone to define what my life looks or feels like. No matter where I come from, or where I am, I know that I can pivot and create a new life at any given moment.

I packed all my shit, sold a bunch of shit on facebook market place, and threw ALOT of shit away and moved out of Texas. Since this is my second time leaving Texas, this time I learned my lesson. I cannot seek love in places that love wasn’t created. Even in my partnership with my man, we found love in Harlem,NY. I was born into love in Bronx,NY, and some of my best friendships we’re birthed in Mount Vernon,NY. These are the places where I feel the most alive aside from the Caribbean where my ancestors found love.

In this chapter, I’m no longer finding love, I am embodying it. Although my reality at the root is unfortunate, I have so many people in my life that truly love me. Since I’ve been back, I’ve been spending alot of quality time with my mother in law and my fiance’s family and enjoying walking through the streets of Brooklyn hearing sweet the sounds of the train, children chopping it up ( talking) at the bus stop, hearing various Caribbean accents, seeing various black owned restaurants, and sirens rapidly speeding through the roads. There was a point, I associated this city with my trauma and I didn’t appreciate it as I do now.

My biggest challenge within the next 6 months is to number one, make my new home as beautiful as I did in Texas aesthetically and through the connections that breeds newness, love, and joy. Although I loved the ample space that Texas provides, it’s not home to ME.

“You cannot put a bow on a shitty foundation and call it your peace.”

Sometimes the mind can play tricks on you making you feel as if where you’re at is a horrible place because we allow horrible people to cloud our space. I REBUKE THEM IN THE NAME OF JESUS, amen hehe.