𝖁𝖊𝖓𝖚𝖘𝖎𝖆𝖓𝕵𝖔𝖓𝖊𝖑

The moment you realize that your life keeps going left, you have to grab that b*tch by the neck and let her know “ not round here patna”.

In order to have your way you have to start with knowing what YOU want. This is where a lot of people just give up and allow others to initiate and coordinate things for them but the possiblities goes from your desire to “it is what it is”. Growing up, I despised the concept of “it is what it is” because there were things I always knew I CAN indeed control.

I know God is control of what it is, but I’m in charge of what it ain’t. Okay seriously, focus less on the plot and more on being intentional. One of the main reasons why things don’t go your way is because you don’t check in with yourself. You’d rather people please than please yourself because you don’t want to “come off as ..”. I’ll be the first to say it, you coming off as someone who chose themselves will be respected far more than you just complying with plans or goals that don’t align.

When I refer to things aligning, “alignment” means to be in harmony with your deepest values, beliefs, and purpose, essentially living in accordance with a higher power or your true self, often leading to a sense of inner peace and connection to something greater than yourself; it involves aligning your thoughts, words, and actions with your spiritual path. I know that sounds like a mouth full but think about it, are these NOT your bare minimums?

As a kid, your bare minimum was probably sharing, watching the same shows, or playing with the same toys as your friends. But as you get older, things change for the better. Once upon a time, I was a therapist to a small group of women and I’ve learned so much about sisterhood and learning the importance of maintaining your own values. I don’t recommend just telling people about your boundaries and burning your sage, but truly living and implementing your values over and over until it sticks in their head is VITAL.

Life has less to do with being accepted, and more to do with you accepting yourself in different spaces, timelines, and circumstances. This doesnt mean that you’re not allowed to have meaningful connections it simply means that people pleasing comes from seeking acceptance so if you learn how to accept the fact that you are flawed, but you’re also someone with self awareness, you’ll be fine.

Constantly living for others, rushing for others, walking on eggshells for others, and depriving yourself of the love, consideration, curiosity, and passion that you deserve is NOT the way to live. You’re here to choose your own destiny but you have to figure out, and own that feeling you crave so badly.

For me, it’s being emotionally regulated. I don’t want to engage in conversations that overstimulate me so I don’t. I still love to yap but I’m also very mindful of my time and energy so writing has been my outlet to do so. It’s effective for my nervous system regulation, mind, and it allows me to focus on something that stimulates me in a healthy way.

That’s how I have my way, by choosing not to indulge in EVERYTHING. It’s overwhelming and the thing about being overwhelmed or overstimulated nobody can see it, they can only hear it in your voice so it will always come off as you crashing out or being rude. But the truth is, I agreed to be here even though I’l actually need some me time to rest but I’m here accompanying you somewhere out of obligation.

You’re NOT obligated to do shit.

BUT, you can still he a resource in a way that is helpful to others as long as you’re able to communicate effectively. This does NOT mean you go into full isolation and selfishness, but you also have free will to do so.

You don’t need permission, you just need discernment.

To better understand your values and ideals in relationships, asking yourself the following questions can help:

1. What qualities do I appreciate most in others?

2. What behaviors or actions make me feel respected and valued?

3. How do I express love, care, and support?

4. What boundaries are important for me in relationships?

5. What do I expect from friends and loved ones in terms of trust and honesty?

6. How do I handle conflict, and what do I need from others during disagreements?

7. What are my non-negotiables in a relationship?

8. How do I feel about giving and receiving support in relationships?

9. What role does personal growth play in my relationships?

10. What type of communication makes me feel closest to others?

You can have your way if you just spoke up. Like who are you afraid of ? If your answer is being perceived, let it go. But if your answer is that you’re afraid to loose the relationship. Think of it like this, and I’m going to hold your hand when I say this but:

If every moment up until you decided to choose yourself was amazing and great, if it changes suddenly because of that, you were already on their LAST nerve.

People are gonna decide what they want to do with their lives, including or not including you so why are you creating a personality to be convenient to someone that doesn’t live for you? The ultimate goal is to learn how to be so comfortable with who you are that people who are not comfortable with who you are repel themselves without you having to say anything. But for now work on figuring out what you value and every single time you talk to someone that does not know this nor respect this remind them this is your truth, not theirs.

Don’t spend your life explaining yourself to people over and over if you’ve already expressed your true that also allows them to feel like they’re having their way by having you validate things that you’ve already put into the universe and express to them and actively choosing to ignore it. You have to decide that your life your love your time. Your energy is far more important than external preservation, prioritize, self preservation, and you will have your way every time!