𝖁𝖊𝖓𝖚𝖘𝖎𝖆𝖓𝕵𝖔𝖓𝖊𝖑

I’m not being dramatic when I say this, but if your dad is a real one, you’re blessed, because that’s a rare thing. Every little girl imagines her dad as her protector, someone who’ll be there for her prom, her wedding, or even when she needs someone to educate her on cars or something. But in my experience, my dad has been nothing but a disappointment. As a man that has had not one but two daughters, you have failed us and you will pay for your crimes somewhere with EXTREMELY warm temperatures.

Meaning of wasteman in English a stupid person or someone who is behaving in a stupid way.

Ex. You had your chance and you blew it, you wasteman. Fewer examples. Stop going back to your ex – he’s a wasteman.

Church folks will tell you to honor your parents, but let’s not forget the rest of that verse:

Ephesians 6:1-4

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise), ‘that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.’ Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Yeah, don’t play with me.

My dad, a former abusive husband, ruined my chances of having a cohesive family unit from the moment I was born. His lack of self control left me growing up in a single-parent household. Since then, my life has been a balancing act. I’ve grown to see things from different perspectives, but one thing I’ll never accept is a man who willingly has kids and chooses not to be a good person to them. Expecting to be treated like a father when you act like a ex that I blocked in 2019.

Growing up, my dad spent no more than a weekend with me here and there, or we’d go on a weeklong trip a couple of times a year. No homework help, no life lessons, no proof he could even try to be a good dad. Instead, he’d throw money around, hoping I’d forget his toxic ways as I got older. Absolutely not. I remember when I was 16, working my first job at IHOP in Harlem. One night, I came home late after a long shift. My mom and I weren’t getting along, so I was staying with my dad to get to work easier since he lived in Harlem. I got in around 11:56 pm, and instead of concern, he told me to get out—because, as a young lady, I shouldn’t feel comfortable being out at that hour. So there I was 45 minutes away from my destination on the 2 train. Feeling low, confused, and disappointed that he’d dismiss me so easily.

I moved to Houston in 2021 and visit home about once a year. When I went back in April 2024 for a wedding, I dropped by to see my sister and niece who live with him. He walked right past me, ignoring me. When I confronted him, he acted like I’d shown up unannounced, told me I needed to ask before coming by, and made other nasty comments. The next day, back in Houston, he texted—not to say hello or ask how I was, but to complain, “You could have wished me a happy birthday.” His birthday’s on April 30. Meanwhile, my birthday is June 30, and I haven’t gotten a call from him since I was 11. I’m 29.

He has a LONG history of being cold and condescending to women, whether dating them, using them, or abusing them. Every woman he’s dealt with could make him their 13th reason. Men who hate women are usually terrible fathers, and it took me too long to realize he’s been every woman’s nightmare—manipulative and dismissive. Now that I see it clearly, I’m done giving him the honor of being called anything to me.

Today is day one of going fully no-contact with my dad. He doesn’t care how I’m doing or wish me well, so why keep giving him the chance to mistreat me when he’s closer to his end than his beginning?

I thank God I’m finally able to speak my truth about my dad, because his money used to keep me in a loop of “that’s just the way he is.” But the way he is? Straight-up sassy. I have zero interest in going back and forth with a 60-year-old I don’t need. I’ve made it almost 30 years without a protective, loving dad, and I’ve found love that doesn’t remind me of him or his awful traits.

I’ve finally reclaimed my peace by shutting the door on someone who never really wanted to be a FATHER, instead he’s taken his position fully as a WASTEMAN. And to anyone who feels trapped in that same loop of “maybe they’ll change” or “it’s family, so I have to keep trying”—you don’t. You don’t owe anyone a place in your life just because of blood. Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is let go of the people who only know how to take. I’m done making excuses for him, done waiting for a dad who never showed up. My life moves forward, and he’s no longer a factor in it.